2 Months...

Today is the day of the month again.. My tears drop when i woke up this morning.. Am i silly?? Am i dumb?? I dunno how u r doing nowadays.. but, i heard u r doing well and happily with her.. I should be happy huh?? but am i tat noble enuff?? i dunno..My heart hurts.. when i thought of that but there is nutink i can do..

Im even thinking.. should i just hate u??By hating u, will i be able to move on faster??I dunno.. n nobody will know as well.. It might hurts me more.. but keep loving u hurts me as well.. cos, i know u will never be mine nemore.. and im nt the one who is able to make u happy nemore..
But everyday, i know im getting better..and maybe..am getting stronger..with the help of God and Angels around me..

In the end, thru days and nitez.. u never failed to leave my heart..Im asking myself.. why is that so.. and when i cant get the answer, i will get very angry and pissed off with myself..
Frenz told me.. "Just remember that he had moved on, might be with other gal d.. then its easier for u to let go"But.. everytime, this thought of u might be holding hands with her.. hugging her.. wadsoever makes my heart ache like hell..

Other frenz told me.. "Maybe i should just accept whoever who is chasing me now.. like David so as i can forget u faster" But, can i realli do that? will i just be making use of him.. he treated me very well, tat i cant deny.. he is like dream guy to many girls but, to me, he is just like an angel that God send to me,.. but not for me to be with him.. Im puzzled.. everytime, i saw his hurtful eyes, i dunno wad can i say to him to make him better.. bb, can u tell me? should i just accept this guy?Will love grows over the time?? will i be loving him one day? i dunno.. but i seriously dun think so for now..

I used to be someone who can fall in love easily.. really easily.. like how i fell for u the 3.5 years ago... n u were so far.. but this time, David is so close.. who is able to meet me everyday.. who always surprises me with the lil surprises which he carefully plans. . but why? my heart just cant accept him.. the moment he wanna get close to me.. i will just build a wall in between.. but he is always there.. supporting me.. for the past 1.5 months, he had been there.. but why my eyes just cant see him? I tried.. very hard to accept him.. but my heart just cant..

Bb.. u r the only one who left me like this.. without clear intention.. u were the only one.. Heri and Hardy.. though they broke up with me, never ever they give me the feeling that am unwanted... but why u make me feel so worthless for u? so unwanted by u.. even the moment we just broke up.. i had been asking myself.. am i realli such a lousy girlfren?? i dunno.. maybe i was.. but i tot i realli just want the best for u..

Heri... appears again in my life after so many years..the him now is so stable with gud career and mind set.. actually, i feel so happy to see the present him..cant deny, he used to be part of my life as well...tat day when he came over to sg, we talked abt so much thingy.. was a nice dinner.. with so many things to catch up with each other... n he told me tat the biggest regret he ever did in his life is to let me down.. tats y till now, he cant get himself to love another gal though many years had passed.. he had been looking at me... thru frenz.. and from far.. and sometimes, when he come to sg, he will look at me in a corner from far.. he wanted to contact me for the longest time but looking at how happy i am with u.. he dun wish to disturb my life.. i didnt know all these till tat day when he came over to sg..

Its nice to know.. someone who u dearly loved.. is back into ur life.. as a fren.. as someone who can understand u.. someone who shares and understands u even without u saying anitink.. after so long, its nice to just catch up with each other and yeah let the other party know.. that we are all grown up.. and able to accept facts d.. He promised tat he will always be there if i needed someone to talk to.. its realli comforting.. n u know wad he told me... "U r the best girl ever.. tat i had known.. im sorry tat i had let u down.. i know its all too late to tell u all this.. but u had been livin in my heart" and when i heard this.. i cried.. cried realli cried.. he hugged me.. n told me tat he is sorry..

N i remembered Hardy also used to tell me when we just broke up.. when he doesnt tat u r with me.. he said.. "I owe my whole life to u.. n am sorry..sorry i made u cried and made u upset but u r still the one that i want"..

Why?? Heri and Hardy can tell me all these.. but u dun.. im not comparing.. but i realli wish.. one day, u can tell me this as well even just as a fren.. but i doubt tat it will ever happen.. Among the 3, Heri, Hardy and U..u r the one who had gone thru the most with me.. who had experienced so much thingy with me... but yeah.. u r the one who realli realli broke my heart to pieces.. u r the one who i love with all my heart.. no way i can ever deny tat.. u r the most significant one.. but.. u r the one who forgotten me the fastest.. n ignored me the moment we broke up..

Baby... im sorry tat i cant let u go for now.. sorry i just cant erase u from my mind now.. sorry tat my heart is still painful.. not tat i dun want to move on.. but, it realli pains me like hell.. no matter how i want to hide it.. no matter how hard i try to make myself busy.. u r there bb.. am sorry...