In God We Trust...

There is this application in Facebook called "In God We Trust".. I had been opening this application almost everyday nowadays... somehow, i feel that its true to a certain extend.. Silly>? yeah.. its just something for me to do.. since nutink realli bothers these days..

Last few day, the same msg popped out 3 times in 3 consecutive days..

Angela got a message that on this day, God wants her to know...
... that it is time to finally forgive yourself.
You've carried the guilt, the shame for long enough. You've kept your wounds open for long enough. The tim...e has to come to let go, to heal. Keep the lessons and let the pain heal. Yes, you know what we are talking about it.

Uhm.. i dunno why this msg popped 3 times in 3 consecutive days.. am asking myself.. what guilt n shame did i carry? if there is then its only that thing tat happened 2.5 years back.. and i have kept my wounds open for long enough.. but am thinking..

tat shame and guilt will never be long enuff.. the wounds for that can never be healed that is for sure cos the shadow is there following me when nites come.. i know, God might have forgiven me.. and maybe its time to let go, to heal.. keep the lessons and let the pain heal..

Maybe God is right.. but i dunno when it will takes place.. just let times.. heals it.. i dunno.. but if it never heals... there is nutink much i can do..

Today, again.. it says..


Angela got a message that on this day, God wants her to know...
... that every relationship rests on three legs: accepting, supporting and challenging.
That's really it, isn't it? You want your relationships to be groun...ded on accepting each other as you are. On supporting each other through the inevitable ups and downs. On challenging each other to become more, to grow, to flourish. Which one of these is the more difficult one for you, and how are you going to practice it in the next 24 hours?

This message is so true true.. all along, i thought, these 3 elements are the foundations of love n relationships.. I had been trying.. for my past relationships.. to fulfil these 3 legs..

- Accepting -
I accepted him for who he is.. no matter what others said about him, it doesnt bother me at all.. i believe he is the one i had chosen.. and yeah.. i accepted him for who he is.. n i was proud of him..i told my daddy mommy.. told my family.. my frenz.. said one day, they will understand why im so proud of him..

Sometimes, he made me mad..made me cry.. made me upset.. made me wanna give up.. but i told myself.. he is the one i chosen.. i gotta accept him for who he is.. how bad he is.. i believe.. he still have his good points that i can be proud of and i should be.. tat is my thoughts all along.. tats y.. no matter what he had done... how angry and upset i was.. when he thought he made a big mistake tat he gonna lost me.. but there i was still.. standing beside him.. n never ever give up on him..

I dunno.. maybe here comes vero's post again few days back.. love is not blind but ppl just choose not to see.. maybe i choose not to see.. n i did.. cos i just wanna accept.. him for him.. he is firman who i love.. but yeah.. :)

- supporting - On supporting each other through the inevitable ups and downs.-
Did i did that? i guess i have... i might not be supporting to what he did if i think its not rational.. but in bad times and gud times.. did i support him? i believe i had..

I always wanna share his happiness.. his sadness.. always! but sometimes, he just didnt share it with me.. When he gets gud grades, how i wish.. i wish i can kiss him and give him a big big hug to congratulate him...everytimes, i will tell annie n mel, yay!! my bf passed all his papers!! nice hor.. n i remembered there is this one times, it cheers me up till happy tears run down my cheek.. am so proud of him..

When he is feeling down with his assie, was i there? i guess i had.. i was helpin him out for his assie.. i supported him.. but sometimes, it will ended up quarellin becos when i talked things serious with him.. he just dun seem to listen to me at all..

From him to me...?? Seriously.. looking back.. he was there supporting me.. when im nt feeling well, he will look after me.. remind me to take meds sometimes.. but the past few months, all are changed.. i remembered i told him.. last few months.. before we broke up.. i told him, sometimes i realli need times alone with him...

Sometimes, when am feeling bad from work or studies, i realli needed him to listen to me attentively.. but many times, i saw him laughin away in webcam with his frenz.. his rooms are always full of his frenz.. sometimes i feel that.. can i just have sometimes alone with u bb? i told him many2 times.. cos its realli make me even more upset... when here am telling u my sadness.. n seeing u laughin away with ur frenz.. maybe.. u r nt laughing at me.. but sometimes, i tot, it would be nice if u can just listen to me.. n share my sadness.. instead of lettin me seeing u laughing away..

N he had been telling me.. when i told him am nt feeling well, he would say.. "since when u r nt feeling well? u r always nt well wad.." n it made me cry actually.. i knew, i had been weak with my health.. n maybe its true tat i dun take gud care of it..

but recent months.. i had been very busy.. with works (TAKA Fair n uKimon Launch), studies (coping with assie), i had been working late.. sometimes i work till so late it tires me out enuff.. n sometimes, i worked till late so tat i can earn more OT pay as well.. so as i can save up for our graduation trip.. tats wad my thought... but.. :)


- Challenging - On challenging each other to become more, to grow, to flourish.

Sometimes, he praised me tat am very gud in almost everything.. as in.. my works are good.. my studies are good.. and sometimes i challenged him.. "Shouldnt it motivates u to work even harder? and be on par with me?" but his answer is always.. "Its ok.. its gud enuff tat u r capable"

Nowadays, i like to think back.. i was searching for the answer for all the questions that i had in my mind.. but.. i dunno when will i be able to find the answers.. or maybe i will never find the answer.. :)