Did i do a dumb mistake again?

Did i make a mistake again? Did i? did i? did i? Just now, i saw D cried.. realli cried and broke down.. wad was i thinking? This is the first time, i saw him so devastated.. and i never know that im capable enuff to make someone cry and devastated till lidat.. and for the first time, i have the urge to give him a hug..

He came over just now, to pass me dinner and my study file tat was left in his car. He was happy when he came over.. i can see that.. but once he see me, his face sunken in. Then i look at myself in the mirror.. i looked very ugly n messy.. Then he never said anitink at all.. in the room, i was reading a book.. then he sat on the floor.. quiet for sometime. I know he has been looking at me..
but i dunno wad to say to him as well...

Then, he took out the porridge.. got me to eat it.. i ate a few sip and i puked it all out on his shirt. Its very embarassing but instead of cleaning off his shirt, he helps me to get drink n stuff.. i was stunned.. he asked auntie for hot water.. with his shirt still stain with my puke.. i felt bad..

Then, after im okay, i pass him daddy t-shirt to change into.. he changed to that.. and he smiled. Then i was sitting on my bed.. he kept askin whether am okay. i said yeah am fine. Then, we talked.. i told him abt wad i did this morning. I told him tat i sent a sms to Firman. n guess wad, he just kept quiet.. for very long.. 15 mins? then finally he asked, "Did he reply?" and i said no..

Then, i can feel my tears going to flow out again dunno why so i make my way to the toilet.. i dun want him to see me crying again..but before i can open the door.. he hugged me.. very tightly from behind.. and i screamed at him.. but he didnt let go.. usually, if i screamed, he would just let go but this time, he didnt..

And.. me also too weak to oppose.. i cried.. he hugged me still.. and i just cried.. and he told me this.. "Why are you so silly?.. Why?" and not long, i heard him sobbing.. and i was stunned.. i dunno wad to say.. wad to do.. i tried to turn to face him but he said dun turn back.. and he said something like..

"You are so silly.. do u think u can realli move on d? Why try to look for him while u know he dun bother abt u nemore? are yoou trying to lie to yourself or wad? Do u need to keep hurting yourself lidat?"

Then i tried to answer.. but he screamed back at me.. asked me to shut up.. this is the first time he shouted at me..

"Do you it pains me a lot to see you torturing yourself like this? I thought, you are getting better but.. see wad u did this morning? Do you want to give him a call now? call him.. call him using my phone now.. maybe he will pick up."

Then i asked him.. realli he will? then he realli broke down.. he let go of his hug and just sit on the floor. he threw his phone on the phone.. i was stunned.. and shocked..

He just told me that.. he realli dunno wad to do with me nemore.. whats so good in Firman that i see, what else he lose to firman.. Why he cant make me happy? he felt tat he is useless.. He said, this is the first time, he ever... tried so hard to win a gal's heart.. to try to bring her out of darkness.. he dun even mind .. even if i just make use of him to forget about firman. And.. i saw his tears coming out from his eyes.. and i heard him sobbing hard..

He asked me this question.."It hurts you when u see Firman is not well right? It hurts you when you see Firman is not being himself right? It hurts you when u know he is destroying himself rite? Its the same for me.. so please Angela.. pls dun do dumb thing tat hurts urself.. u think u r tat strong? n tot u r okay d? The fact that u still wanna sms him means tat u r still not okay.."

I silent for awhile.. i tried to explain.. but he seems not listening at all.. i saw him crying.. i saw the phone lying on the phone.. with cracks.. i tried to rationale with him but he doesnt even want to look at me..

Then.. i cried as well.. i told him dun lidat.. i told him tat am okay.. i told him that he scares me.. then he looked at me.. am saddened.. i never know..i can make him cry till lidat..

He asked me.."can u hug me for awhile?" and i did.. he said he is sorry.. he dun meant to scare me but.. it pains him to see me living in denial.. i dun understand why he think so.. he kept saying sorry.. and asked me.."can u try to love me? just try?".. i looked at him puzzledly.. i dunno wad to say.. he said, if i dun give him an answer he will take it as a yes.. and i still silent..

Then he picked up his stuff and left.. i plurked after he left.. 'From now on.. i shall have no more doubt.. `Semuanya kan jadi Indah pada waktunya' cos.. i tot.. i trying not to doubt anyone nemore.. n i shall believe that everything will be in its time.. n he replied.."Thanks. Finally". did he get the wrong message again? not long after.. he plurks.. "wished that this lasts forever"..

am puzzled.. did i do mistake again.. what is he thinking? i knew he meant well.. but for now, i realli cant.. God, pls show me the path..