Dearest God..

Dearest God,
Am sadden.. i feel my heart is crying..
I dunno till when i gotta be like this..
But usually, tears will just run down my cheek..
but today.. i dunno why.. there are no more tears.. physically..

Dearest God,
I made a promise to myself.. to my loved ones..
That i will stop all these..
Stop the pain.. start looking forward..
My loved ones.. told me.. its pains them to see me like this..
Dd told me.. If he sees me happy.. it will mean twice the happiness for him..
And God.. i realli wish i can make them happy.. n stop worrying about me..
But God, my heart is in pain..

I know its me n myself who dun want to let go..
Its easy to say but its so hard to do..

Dearest God,
Can u bless me with more strength? can u make me whole again..
For i feel that am not whole at all now.. i felt a big piece and part of me is missing..
I lost someone.. who had spend my last 3.5 years with me..
N its a big chunk of my life God..
Can u make whole again? or will the scar be there forever?
Even if the scar gonna be there forever.. do let me treasure it one day..
Maybe that is the scar u purposely inflicted so tat i can learn in my life..

Looking at myself now.. i felt pathetic.. many people will laugh at me i know..
But God.. is it wrong of me to love someone so true?
I realli dun wish to be like this at all..
But everytime.. its all the memories that flashed in my mind..

From the moement i get home..
On my PC..
My bed..
My room..
Even Central..
is full of memories with him..

Initially i tot of gg to OZ to study.. going back Indo for good.. just run away from Singapore.. Many people didnt know.. wad i had been thru with him.. tats y its so hard for me to move on.. n maybe.. even himself forgotten wad we had gone thru 2.5 years ago..

The shadow is following.. up till today.. sometimes, i feel that am the most sinful person in the world.. but.. its ok.. i had no choice then.. realli no choice..
After that incident, i never showed him, how sad i am.. only sometimes when i had my nitemares..

Dear God,
U knew wad i had been thru.. n dear God.. i realli tot, with him around.. things will turn around.. but now, i dun have him nemore.. pls give me the strength to move on and look forward..

I want my loved ones to be happy.. i want them to see the happy me.. i want them to be proud of me like last time instead of keep saying i had changed.. like a zombie.. a living zombie..

Pls bless me with more willpower.. with more determination.. and forgive me for the biggest sin that i had done 2.5 years ago.. :)