I really hate waking up feeling like this

I realli hate wake up.. feeling like this.. i feel like cursing and swearing..
I feel like crying.. i feel like am devastated with all the thought about u..
With all the thought that we used to have.. all the thought that slap me hard but just cant make me let go..

wad am i thinkin? i keep askin myself.. wad else am i hoping? i dunno.. it hurts so much till it left me breathless for few seconds every morning when i open my eyes.. i remembered i used to wake up so looking forward but now.. i wake up n keep looking backward.. wad am i hoping? to turn back the times? which i clearly know is impossible..

Am tired.. am tired of putting a strong n brave front in front of everybody.. i can.. n i think i will just keep doin it.. cos tats the best thing for me for now right? at least people who loves me.. will not worried abt me for awhile.. but.. me is me.. i cant erase feeling this strong.. feeling that strong that we used to share..

I heard so much.. it pains me even more.. but baby.. why cant i just let go? i told myself a few days back that i should close this chapter d.. i even swore n wrote it in my blog and yeah why am i writing all this now? :) i dunno..

It might be my stubborn self which hold me back.. but everytime i wanna move on.. n let go of u.. i feel the pain even more.. i know am dumb.. but this is love.. i took a quiz yest in facebook..
'How much can u love someone' and u knew.. the answer is: you believe in"loving with eyes closed and with a heart open" thus you r crazy unconditional lover

Am a crazy unconditional lover?? bb.. if u ever think back.. if one day u ever think back.. will u agree with this sentence?? hahaha.. u know its never been easy for our relationship.. but u knew wad.. i always felt as long as i have u with me.. nobody and nothing ever shake me.. n i will be fine.. how hard the situation is.. as long as i have u.. we will be fine.. n u always assured me tat but now baby.. u were the one giving up..

I keep telling myself.. u r so much happier now ... u lead a gud life now.. much better life without me around... n i should be happy.. cos tats one of my wishes rite? :) i will try to accept the fact.. maybe nt now but i will try to yah... give me more time i guess..

Anw... D asked me last nite.. wad will i do if one day u look for me again? b.. will u? :) i realli dun think so.. i realli never expect that also.. cos i dunno wad wrong had i done.. till u did this to me.. till u hate me so much that u wanna cut everything off me and ... i realli dun think u will find me back.. even just as a friend..

I miss u.. am sorry.. i just wanna be frank with myself in this lil blog of mine.. cry my heart out.. here.. i miss u bb.. n i hope u r doin great.. :)