09.09.09

This morning.. at 09.09am on 09.09.09, i received a call from D.. the first thing he ask is.. "can u be my girl".. i was stunned and speechless for awhile.. I tot i had made it very clear to him that now is realli nt the time.. n i tot he understood..cos these last few days.. he talked like normal with me..

But finally, i told him.. "D, sorry.. but my heart do not choose u for now.." and then he was quiet for sometimes.. n he said tat is the thing he likes abt me.. that i have my own standpoint and i will not anyhow accept the guy.. as in im very faithful to my loved one.. but.. the saddest thing is, my loved one dont even bother abt me nemore..

Sometimes, am thinking.. wth am i thinkin?? isnt tat obvious that the one i love does not care abt me nemore.. n does nt wish to relate with me nemore... though sometimes, i miss him like hell.. but.. is there any use??

If D is the one God send to revive me.. y cant i just open my heart for him? i dunno.. i wish i can cos D is realli very nice.. but.. my heart realli do not chose him.. n i hope.. i didnt hurt him too much.. n if one day... he move away..i think i deserve it.. cos i had been so harsh to him.. n no way i can ever say i regret..

I just hope D can understand.. that im nt a gud gal for him... cos, for now, im still in love with someone who dun care abt me nemore maybe.. someone who dun even look back a lil at me.. but, i know im silly.. he is still there deep in my heart..

D said he will wait.. but wad is the point right?? maybe one day i will fall for him?? but i guess its nt tat easy for my heart to get him to replace him.. cos.. we had been thru so much.. and i didnt know wad wrong i made till i deserve such a punishment from him.. but.. yeah i will be fine..

And now here i am.. having extreme headache.. in the midst of my assie and workload.. its realli very stressful... and i do hope.. i can do it all well.. n i believe i can.. just need a lil bit more determination and im gud..

Im sorry d.. i know u had plan this thoughtfully and i just cant give u a clear answer.. n am sorry..